Um no shit Facebook, I could have told you that when I was friend requested by my Mom.  But seriously this admittance of guilt comes from Mark Zuckerberg’s (Facebook CEO) getting caught this weekend catching a beat to some raunchy facebook photo albums.  Okay that’s a lie too.  Unfortunately the real story is boring, or really exciting if you’re a techie geek.

Zuckerberg has admitted several glitches which allowed people to read some of their friends private conversations while some people received messages not intended for them.  Zuckerberg also admitted that the current privacy settings are too complicated to change and the site will implement changes over the next couple of weeks to make this process easier.

Now for a history lesson in Facebook!

2004 - TheFacebook is launched exclusively for Harvard = Finally people at Harvard can socialize behind the security of their laptop.

April 2004 - TheFacebook is expanded to other colleges = Finally college students can stalk each other in a socially acceptable way.

August 2005 - TheFacebook officially changes to Facebook = Facebook got enough funding to buy a domain without “the” as a precursor.

September 2006 - Facebook becomes open to everyone = Facebook becomes uncool.  Not uncool enough for you to stop using it but uncool enough for your mom and dad to start using it and “friend” you.  This could get awkward.

August 2008 - Facebook reaches 100 million users = you have 492 friends on facebook, but you only really know 80 of them, you only talk to 12 of them and you only hang out with 3 of them.  Good for you.

September 2009 - Facebook reaches 300 million users = You are now friends with 843 people.  You change your relationship status every other month to stay mysterious to the opposite sex.  When you meet people at a bar you Facebook stalk the fuck out of them until you know them better than then they know themselves.

May 2010 - Facebook has more than 400 million users = That “special” someone you met in the bar and just happened to have so much in common with has blossomed into a relationship and you have confirmed your love for one another by making it “Facebook” official.   Your dad writes on your wall and your neices and nephews who friended you a while back are wondering why you’re eyes are so red on that trip to Amsterdam.  You’re starting to think maybe you’re privacy settings are off… But in good news you’re kicking all of your friends asses at Farmville.

April 2010 - Facebook admits they’re way too loose on privacy = You and that special someone call it quits when you realize you had nothing in common the entire time, you just faked loving the “Notebook” and everything else in her profile because you saw it on her profile and wanted to get laid.  Your 8 year old nephew gets caught smoking pot and tells dad that he saw you doing it on facebook.  You’re new relationship status says single and you’re entire family is wondering what happened to the girl that seemed to be your only shot at a sane wife… and makes sure to write these concerns all over your wall. You’re thoughts about how this could get awkward back in 2006 have been confirmed. You think about canceling Facebook but are concerned that the next time you get drunk and meet someone new at a bar you won’t be able to get information from their profile and trick them into liking you.   You’re still not sure why the CEO of Facebook acknowledged a privacy problem this month as you peruse photos of that girl you thought was a 9 last night but is definitely turning out to be a 6, but she looks slutty from her photo albums so you’re going to call.

Italy will host the Punto e a capo, meaning ‘turning over a new leaf’, which will include booths and workshops on the process of divorce and how to live alone again.  This is primarily due to the increasing divorce rates in the traditionally catholic country which frowns on divorce (but shrugs at child molestation in the church).  The divorce process in Italy is said to take up to three years. 

No offense Italy and Italian divorcées but this fair seems a little pointless.  I reckon all you need is a nice stock of red wine, an internet connection and a membership to match.com (or eharmony if you actually want to find a mate for life not just for the night). If you’re unwilling to throw down $40 bucks a month to ‘get connected’ then check craigslist.org.  Or if you like being by yourself, just get out the lotion, dim the lights and get ready to feel shameful in about twenty minutes.

Finally, if none of these things are making you feel better then watch all of the seasons of John and Kate Plus 8.  If you can’t figure out how to be single atleast this will make you feel better about your time married. 

Welcome to the single life and your welcome. 

Last night the US Air Force Launched their secret rocket.  Nonetheless the internet and news sites are streaming this public launch all over the internet leaving little hope to US civilians as to the competency of the US Air Force.  The Air Force is no different then the gossip girl in middle school that swears she can keep a secret, then before you know it there’s a song about your ‘secret’ crush on youtube.

Okay so the real secret behind the Secret Rocket is the mission.  In a Conference Call, Gary Payton (thankfully not the former NBA player known as the Glove) stated “In all honesty, we don’t know when it’s coming back for sure.”  Oh well that’s fan-faking-tastic Gary!  The US Air Force spends about a Ba-jazillion taxpayer dollars on this penis shaped rocket and they don’t even know when it’s coming back? 

Sounds like too many senators got high while watching Star Wars:

Joe - “Larry, you know what would be bad-ass?”

Larry- “What Joe?

Joe - “If we like totally built a spaceship, you know to go into space and like hunt down the Darth dude or whatever…”

Larry - “Hells yeah bro, we would just have to keep the mission a secret or the non Star Wards geeks and Non-trekies would get all sorts of bent out of shape.”

Joe- “Agreed, pass the joint man, also I have a question for you… when we travel why do you always have to take such long dumps?”

Larry - “Oh yeah, lets not ask questions we don’t want to the know the answer to… Just pass the joint.”

The only certain thing about this rocket is that Star Wars and Trekkies are currently jizzing in their pants at the mere thought of their space fantasies becoming reality.

The Gay Veteran Community decided to chain each other up at the White House… but not for kinky butt sex?  While some nasty rim job action may be going down inside the White House, these Vets are at the White House to demand a repeal of the current Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) Legislature.

Lt. Dan Choi is the only one of the six discharged veterans to make a statement by calling on Obama “to make good on his promise.” Lt. Dan does not sit in a wheel chair or have prosthetic legs and is in no way related to Forrest Gump’s Lt. Dan, but it would be pretty awesome if he did. Lt. Dan Choi has basically become the face of the DADT repeal movement and has been arrested previously for partaking in similar protests.

The real question involved is what type of handcuffs were used?  Were they some real heavy duty S&M type stuff?  Or was it the fluffy leopard print lined plastic stuff?  A typical stereotype would be to assume it’s the leopard print ‘fabulous’ ones.  However these vets/gays are probably a little bit more intense after killing some vietkong in their war prime, so to ponder about their sexual preferences is flat out scary shit.

A little piece of you will die?

You’ll become racist against white people? (Even if you’re white).

Republicans will switch parties to anything besides what this guy is?

Democrats and all other parties will be reminded why they are not conservatives?

George Bush will start dancing to the beat?

Obama will bring out some of that Chicago thug life that he has to have and cap this whitey?